Wipeout!

When you’re mere moments away from smashing your pride and various squishy body parts into amorphous bits, there’s usually that brief reflective moment when time seems to unwind completely. You have a chance to soak it all in—everything slows and you’re able to take in every embarrassing detail of your untimely demise with perfect lucidity. I’ve experienced that moment, typically referred to as the “Oh, S*@t” moment, several times in my life. They mostly occurred during surfing wipeouts (save for one instance of a wicked skateboard accident that resulted in a chipped front tooth and a terrible family photo) that resulted in something painful occurring, either to my pride or to said various squishy body parts. In fact, I could tell you in perfect detail what happened during each wipeout, what mistake I made, or what went wrong with the board (typically it’s the board’s fault, not mine *cough*). I could also tell you what crossed my mind too: it was usually something along the lines of, “WHY?! WHY ME?! THE PAIN—.“ Yeah, something like that.

Surfers and other action sports enthusiasts have similar retrospective moments; it generally comes with the territory (especially since the territory is full of asphalt, speeding cars, and the occasional runaway surfboard). Twiggy Barker from South Africa had his recently at Jaws: Surfline featured Twiggy in their “Greatest Wipeouts of All Times” video. He gives a full account of the violent wipeout, which, for the record, would probably have crushed an ordinary man.

The wipeouts may be brutal, but ultimately, they’re worth it. They test us, sure, but they also reaffirm why we enjoy our sports—for the sheer rush of skirting danger and reveling in gallons of adrenaline. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

LA has seasons?

I’d never live in LA, because I actually like seasons.

A bit snarky, don’t you think? Oh, the bitterness is almost palpable.

I must’ve heard that cutting little statement at least a dozen times during my recent visit to Ohio. Did it get old? Absolutely. Honestly, they could’ve insulted my hometown in a hundred different ways by discussing… oh, I don’t know, the horrible traffic, the pollution, the crowds, the overabundance of plastic surgery, and so on. But no, they had to bring up our lack of seasons. It was frustrating to say the least. Though my retort was usually sharp—I’d just mention that during my weeklong visit I’d seen the sun once and that my rental car had a sizeable dent from a Pomeranian-sized chunk of hail.

Anyway, I’d usually explain (after my ice retort, of course) that LA’s seasons were a little more varied—especially if you’re a surfer like myself.

Summer: You’d think that this would be the best time of year to surf in LA, but unfortunately, you’d only be partly right. Sure, the water’s warm—it usually hovers around 60-70 degrees—and the weather’s quite pleasant, but the beaches are usually packed. It isn’t rare to see 100+ surfers out in the line-up at Malibu, which is the surfing equivalent of trying to navigate the 405 during rush-hour traffic in a gerbil-powered big rig.

Fall: Now this is the ideal time to be a surfer in LA. The weather and water’s still relatively warm, the Santa Ana winds are going strong, and we’re usually receiving crossed up north and south swells. But the coup de grâce is the fact that all the schools are back in session, and the line-ups are now comfortably empty—just one more reason I’m glad I’m done with high school.

Winter: Yes, LA has a winter, and honestly, it’s not too bad. The weather and water’s cooling down, and we’re usually receiving heavy north swells by this time too. The only downside’s the rain. Why? Well, surfing in the accumulated waste of one of the largest cities on Earth might have some unintended consequences (i.e. possible X-men style powers… wait, that’s not a bad thing. Surfing in pollution is awesome!)

Spring: Well, this spring has been pretty fun so far, but typically spring is a bit slow for surf in LA. But there’s usually a few sandbars left from winter, and the water is gradually warming up too. And there’s always that reassuring knowledge that summer’s just around the corner.

So you see, LA does have unique seasons. Now that that’s been established, I’m off to go find some pollution to swim in. I’m banking on some potential Cyclops powers, but hey, I’m not picky.

Zombies and Paddleboards


Zombies and Paddleboards

I could make it.

That’s generally my first thought when I contemplate whether I could paddle from LA to Catalina.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, Why are you even thinking about that in the first place? Don’t you have anything better to do?Well, to answer your first question, I’ve been watching back-to-back episodes of “Doomsday Preppers” and I’ve decided that Catalina Island is the perfect place to escape—or “bug out,” my new favorite idiom— from the inevitable zombie apocalypse that will certainly strike LA within the next few years. I’ll skip trying to get a boat (since the marinas will probably be full of zombies… you’re welcome), so commandeering a paddleboard is the only logical course of action.

Per your second question, I ask you this: Is there anything more important than preparing for the zombie apocalypse? Yeah, I think not.

Anyway, moving on, I recently found out that’s there a contest that’s held every year for long-distance paddlers who race from Catalina Island to Manhattan Beach—it’s called the Catalina Classic. They paddle an incredible 32 miles (that’s roughly the distance from Sherman Oaks to Redondo Beach) on massive boards that are generally 12-to-19 feet in length, and they’re able to cover that vast expanse of open water in less than 4 hours.

So, when the undead finally rise and overrun the City of Angels, at least I know there’ll be few others that can help me restart civilization on Catalina—hopefully, they can just drag me behind them while we all paddle over, since I don’t think I’d be able to keep up at that blistering 7-knot pace.

Here’s a short article on the results of last year’s contest, and a short video showing the start of the race (note howearly they start the race).

I haven’t been able to find any details on the 2012 Catalina Classics, so if any of you have any info on when it’ll be held, please let me know. And with that, I’m off to go prepare my “bug out” bag. See you in the water!

Shillelaghs and Skateboards

Oh, the morning after St. Patrick’s Day… how I despise thee.

Sullen is the word that immediately comes to mind: Do I feel sluggish? Yes, thanks to nearly three pounds worth of corn beef and potatoes—and cabbage, my favorite—and several (err… give or take) pints of Guinness, I feel very sluggish. Do I feel remorseful? Beaten down? Bummed out? Well, yes, in fact, I do. Remember that shillelagh I mentioned in my last post? (For all of you who are unaware, it’s a traditional Irish club.) Anyway, I feel like there’s wee, Guinness-fueled hooligan trying to break out of my skull with a shillelagh like he’s Andy Dufresne trying to escape from Shawshank Prison. Oh God, I hope the warden catches him and throws him into solitary confinement (and by warden, I mean Tylenol, and by solitary I mean… Oh, never mind).

Regardless of my head troubles, there were a few folks here in LA who had a very fun St. Patrick’s Day; I’m talking about the contestants at the Sk8 Wars 2012.

The first annual Sk8 Wars Urban Battle AM tour was held yesterday at the Los Angeles Sports Arena. The contest featured a $2,500 cash grand prize for the most innovative skater, and a specialty (indoor) course was built just for the event. Most of the competitors were amateurs, but professional skateboarders Anthony Mosley and Pep Williams did make an appearance. A number of rock bands and hip-hop artists were slated to perform at the event as well (including Soulja Boy; because God knows it wouldn’t have been a proper St. Patrick’s Day celebration without Soulja Boy).

Here’s a video of the Sk8 Wars 2012 finalists tearing it up (1st prize is still yet to be determined, but I’ll check back on this): http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dVdEcwJTft0

The event wouldn’t have been complete until someone unwillingly castrated themselves, so here’s a video of one of the finalists taking a railing (yes, a railing) to his twig and berries:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLxYOmiarKE&feature=youtu.be

I hope everyone had a wonderful (and safe… save for the aforementioned skater) St. Patrick’s Day. I’m off to save my skull from a tiny Irishman, so “slán leat” and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Corn Beef and Surf

Well, bop me with a shillelagh and pour me a pint of green beer; St. Patrick’s Day is almost here. Since my girlfriend is Irish (well… her family’s Irish; she’s from Simi Valley), St. Patrick’s Day has become a significant holiday in the Slater household. In fact, for this year’s celebrations I was told we were having a “genuine” Irish dinner: Corn beef and cabbage with a side of soda bread. I thought that because the meal was supposed to be “genuinely” Irish there would be at least one potato, but alas, I was mistaken. Now I guess I’ll just have to be content with the boiled cabbage—oh, because there’s nothing quite as delicious (or nutritious) as cabbage. Yum.

Actually, in all honesty, I’m looking forward to this dinner (sans boiled cabbage, thank you very much). I’m not too familiar with Irish cuisine, so I’m excited to try something new. So, with that said, in honor of good ol’ St. Patrick and the dinner my girlfriend will be preparing this weekend (and I’ll be thoroughly enjoying), I thought I’d give you a bit of background on the surf history of Ireland.

Surfing was first introduced to the Emerald Isle in 1963, when an English customs officer rode his British-made board near a jetty in the Northern Ireland town of Castlerock. At around the same time, an Irishman named Kevin Cavey (who had taken up the sport of bellyboarding in his youth) had decided to give surfing a go. He ordered a surfboard-kit from England, and built his own board. In fact, in 1966 Cavey traveled to San Diego to represent Ireland in the World Surfing Championships. The Surf Club of Ireland was formed in 1966 in Bray, and in the summer of 1969, an Irish team attended the first European Surfing Championships. Currently, Ireland is home to several thousand surfers, dozens of surf shops and schools, and scores of epic breaks.

Ireland’s 1,700-mile coast is relatively wave rich; powerful North Atlantic storms often generate sizeable surfing conditions. Irish surf can sometimes peak at over 15 feet+, as evidenced by this recent big-wave surfing video from Surfline.com. The weather though, is the only downside; it’s usually damp, cold, and generally blustery. It also doesn’t help that average water temperatures are usually pretty chilly too: In the summertime, the water’s in the low 60s F, and in the winter it’s usually in the high 30s F.

Cold water aside, Ireland has (arguably) some of the best waves in Europe, and it’s definitely worth a surf trip. I hope you all have a fun and safe St. Patrick’s Day, and if you can, catch a few waves to celebrate! I’ll see you out in the water.

>Sci-fi and surfing

As you can tell by my recent Catching Air post, I have a thing for Bladerunner. Part of it has to do with the fact that El Porto (the main focus of my article) honestly reminds me quite a bit of the dystopian LA that it’s in the film—the smokestacks and the industrial flare ups look like something straight out of the first scene (well, minus the flying cop car).

Since sci-fi and surfing have consumed much of time lately, I decided to look for some literature that joined the two; unfortunately, I haven’t had much luck. However, I did come across a book called Lucifer’s Hammer. In the story, a massive comet hits the Earth, and causes earthquakes and tsunamis to pretty much destroy civilization, as we know it. Yeah, a bit of bummer, I know (isn’t that the same plot for Armageddon? Damn you, Michael Bay! Bane of my fricken existence). Anyway, in the book, there’s one particularly large tsunami heading towards So Cal, and apparently, all of the surfers (literally, all of them… not sure what traffic was like on PCH that day) paddle out and try to ride the wave. I’m pretty sure it didn’t really pan out.

Anyway, here’s a link to the wiki page about the book. I’ll try to keep my eye out for some sci-fi lit that actually does focus on surfing too. See you out in the water!

>Flat Spell Frustrations

I’m suffering from a rather acute bout of the “flat spell frustrations.” I’ve checked the cam and report for the North Bay several times throughout the day; honestly, it’s as flat as a chalkboard and the forecast for the week isn’t looking good. Ah, but what can you do? It’s not like I can pull a Sean Connery move and invent a complicated weather machine (an obscure movie reference, kudos to anyone who gets it). With that said, it’s times like these that I turn to Surfer for solace.

This week, Surfer is running a very timely article on their site titled, “How to Survive a Flat spell.” It offers up a number of very helpful suggestions; my personal favorite has to be the “just get in.” It might seem like a rather redundant thing to suggest (What you miss the ocean? Well, just get in it for crying out loud—it’s not like its going anywhere.), but it’s something that many surfers—including myself—often overlook. I recently tried it out myself, and it’s surprising how even a quick dip can help ease the flat spell jitters. Check out the article, and hopefully you can find a few suggestions to help you survive this unfortunate flat spell.

>Surfing in the Land of the Rising Sun

If you haven’t picked up the latest issue of Surfer, you should—there’s a couple of really entertaining travel stories, including one on surfing in the Baltic Sea. I just picked up my copy, and honestly, I’m already planning my next cold water surf trip to Finland. Didn’t know there was surf there did ya? Actually, I didn’t really know that either… I guess today is a learning sort of day.

Surfer just posted this video concerning the story behind this issue’s cover, which features Dan Malloy ripping it up at a mysterious break in Japan. Check it out!

>Smile you son of a bitch!

Thank ye, ol’ mighty Poseidon! The North Pacific has finally woken up and is thankfully sending surf towards So Cal. Thou art a great and noble ocean god!

Sorry for the Ye Old English speak—I just finished the 6th book in the Dark Tower Series (I found out today that there are two more books to go… when will it ever end?) and I’m still neck-deep in the whole Lord of the Rings/Sergio Leone universe that Roland Deschain and his ka-tet call home. Oh, if I could strap on a six-shooter and saunter on down the street like a true cowpoke, I’d be a happy man. Unfortunately, I live in Los Angles, so if I did that in my neighborhood, I’d probably be arrested faster than you can say, “pepper spray burns my sinuses.”

Anyhow, as anyone with a Wi-Fi connection can tell you, Surfline.com is abuzz with activity: the North Pacific is tossing more than a few waves our way. Maverick’s is going off (well, almost… 10-15 ft. is “going off” per my standards), Rincon is packed with all the usual local yokels (Dane Reynolds included), and most of my favorite North Bay spots are finally breaking.

However, whenever the waves start getting big and I start planning on spending more time in the water (well, as much as my work schedule permits), my family begins to show a bit more concern about my overall safety in the water. Interestingly enough, they’re very rarely concerned about the crowds (which I’m always stressed out about), they’re almost always nervous about one thing: SHARKS!

El Tiburon, Mr. Whitey, and Jaws—he has many aliases, but whatever you call him, his fearsome reputation is universal. My folks know that, and that’s why they’re always worried.

Honestly, I never argue with them about the Great White Shark’s fear factor, but what I can say is that (generally speaking) they don’t really hang out in LA. Over the past year, there have only been a handful of sightings: there’s been a few down at PV, and last September, KTLA reported that beachgoers in Venice witnessed a beached juvenile Great White struggling in the shore break (he eventually managed to swim away). Fortunately, there haven’t been any real attacks.

Why? Well, the waters off LA are often very busy, and while there are pinnipeds (i.e. seals and sea lions), there aren’t as many as there are in San Francisco (which is part of the Red Triangle). So, for once, statistics are on my side.

Or, at least I thought they were, until I saw this pic below:

Great White Shark near Sunset Beach, October 2009

Great White Shark near Sunset Beach, October 2009

Hmm… maybe investing in a nice Kevlar vest wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Until then, I’ll stay away from Sunset/Topanga. Enjoy the waves everybody and stay safe!

2011 in review

Here’s a wordpress review of my blog. I guess folks in the UK like what I’m doing. Well, in honor of those lovable limeys, cheers to you all and God save the Queen. Pip pip cheerio!

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 22 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.